It’s Pride Month.

And surprise, surprise, I’m angry. I’m fired up and fed up. I didn’t know that asking to exist was like asking someone to find a needle in a haystack.

I had my annual with my primary care physician—a woman who I *thought* was a good physician, but today I am reminded of why Pride Month exists, and of why it began as a riot.

Today, my doctor erased me, and after that, she grew angry that I advocated for myself and my wife. She made several critical mistakes that have earned her a “NEVER AGAIN” in my spreadsheet of shitty and bigoted doctors, of which the list seems to have grown exponentially since COVID.

Apparently, there is a checklist Pac-Med doctors have to show their bosses to prove they’ve provided “good healthcare” to their patients. This requires them to “encourage” their patients to see ONLY Pac-Med doctors and transfer ALL records to Pac-Med.

With the fall of Roe v. Wade and being a member of the queer community, my reproductive health stays firmly between me and my gynecologist. I’ve told her this SEVEN times now, including in writing, but today, she kept harping on it over and over because it would make her “look bad” to her employers for me to see doctors outside Pac-Med and not share those files.

Firstly, it is not my issue that her employer judges her ability to do her job on whether or not I see only Pac-Med doctors. Because I am immunocompromised and a complicated patient, I have many specialists at many different areas, and it will stay that way for good reason. I tend to seek out the best doctors I can, no matter where they are, which is growing more difficult by the day in the Seattle area.

But the kicker today was her question of, “the what community?”
Me: Queer.
*blank look*
Me: LGBTQ+?
*blank look*
Me: GAY?!
Her: “But you’re married to a man!”

Talk about erasure.

How do you live in this world and not know what the queer community is? E is not out as trans to this doctor yet—yes, we have the same doctor—but that’s going to change now. No way am I letting my wife transition with this doctor. Fuck that.

I reminded her that I am nonbinary, which she also didn’t understand. When I also mentioned that there are states where my existence is illegal and where people could probably get away with murdering me, she commented, “I doubt that. Not in the United States!”

How can I trust someone with my records who doesn’t even understand who I am? Better yet, how can I trust someone with my HEALTH if they don’t know me?

Her next comment was that I should be tested ASAP for HIV. Because Gay. *facepalm*

She left angry that I stood up for my rights. Also that I called her an idiot because let’s be honest, by the end of this hour, I was livid. I was afraid. I let my mouth get the better of me.

I left angry that in the year 2023, we’re still fighting for the right to breathe. Not to mention access to COVID-safe healthcare. (Don’t even get me started on that.)

So here we are.

Happy Pride.